Welcome to Gramatica Errors, SB Nation’s weekly kicking and punting column. As always, we will do our best to avoid any and all foot puns. Now let’s kick things off ...
Between Alabama-Georgia, only one team had a coach devoted to kicking. Guess which one.
Alabama toppled Georgia in a thrilling come-from-behind overtime win in the National Championship game on Monday night, yes. We all saw it. It was awesome. The game also didn’t need to go to overtime. Alabama had a chance to win during regulation, but Alabama kicker Andy Pappanastosmissed a 36-yard field goal as time expired.
Then in the first overtime, Georgia kicker Rodrigo Blankenship nailed a 51-yard kick to give UGA a three-point lead. (It didn’t matter, unfortunately — Alabama would go on to score a touchdown two plays later on an incredible pass from freshman Tua Tagovailoa.)
For me — and yes I fully admit that I am a deranged Morten Fanderson, a charter member of the Upright Citizens Brigade, some even call me Paul Bunion — it exposes something that drives me absolutely crazy about Nick Saban teams (and a lot of teams in college football). They never seem to have a placekicker who is reliable. This is partly due to recruiting, sure. But for me the bigger issue is this, and it’s an issue I’ve harped on like every week in this column: These kids aren’t getting any coaching.
Sure there’s a special teams coordinator for most college teams. Alabama has two coaches working generally with special teams, neither were kickers. (One works with running backs as well as special teams, the other, tight ends.) But when it comes to practical, technical kicking coaching? None. Zero. These kids have camps in the summer and can phone up and get some guidance from other college kickers and pros. But when it comes to day-in, day-out coaching? For most teams, there is nada.
There is at least one team in college football that does have a kicking coach, however: the Georgia Bulldogs. Kevin Butler, a former member of the Bears and Georgia Bulldogs who’s in the College Football Hall of Fame, is an assistant with the team this year.
Did they expose a loophole to get him? They sure did. Butler returned to get his undergrad degree at UGA this year, so he was able to join the staff as a student assistant.
But maybe other teams can take note and see that despite limitations on coaching staff sizes, it probably wouldn’t hurt to have a guy on staff who knows how to kick a football. Points are important in football. Kickers score points. Blankenship went from a non-scholarship walk-on to a legit NFL prospect drilling 51 yarders in the national championship game. He hit a 55-yarder in the Rose Bowl. Coaching had to have something to do with that.
It didn’t cost Saban this time. His freshman backup QB threw the pass of a lifetime and bailed him out. But the lack of coaching could have decided the game. Maybe it’s time to bring in someone to make sure the kickers are getting the instruction they need.
“Everybody shut up. Shut up, Lutz.”
Saints kicker Wil Lutz had another strong outing in the Wild Card Game this weekend, as he converted his lone attempt from 57 yards to help lift New Orleans over Carolina, 31-26. That’s the fifth consecutive week Lutz has been perfect on field goals, his last miss coming on Dec. 3. The 23-year-old Georgia State product has been fantastic after a slightly shaky start, overcoming field-goal misses in three of the first four weeks to put together a very impressive season.
I’d say more about Lutz, but let’s be real: This entire section was written because the guy’s name is Lutz and I wanted to link to the 30 Rock bit where everyone tells Lutz to shut up even when he isn’t speaking. What a doof that guy was, Lutz. Ha.
The Bills-Jaguars game was a good old-fashioned punt party
The Jaguars beat the Bills, 10-3, in the AFC Wild Card Game this weekend, a game that was by traditional metrics pretty damn boring and by punting metrics an orgasmic thrillfest I’m just now getting over.
Holy shit, there were a ton of punts.
Jacksonville’s Brad Nortman and Buffalo’s Colton Schmidt traded off 23 (!) of them in the game, a veritable smorgasbord of punts. We had all different kinds of punts: high ones and low ones, end-over-enders and spirals. For us investigators in the Mindpunters division, it was frankly overwhelming.
The performance led Slate to run an article headlined “The 10 best punts of the Bills-Jaguars game.” The article was nicely written, with a good index of the punts from the game, and if I find out the writer was actually making fun of the punt posse (aka the Uncle Tupa-bros), I am going to lose my god damn mind.
Ah, Giorgio. You have heard of the Four-Eyed Ocelet.
The Raiders’ season ended last week, and thus most likely ended the career of Sebastian Janikowski, who was injured for most of the year and saw his job taken over by Giorgio Tavecchio.
The Italian-born Tavecchio put together a strong first season for Oakland and did so because his entire focus was on kicking, as he is only a kicker and most certainly not an international jewel thief. Again, just a kicker. Definitely not an internationally renowned jewel thief, despite his name and looks.
Now if you’ll excuse me, this article is over. There’s nothing else to read here. Please, close out your browser. Thank you.
Ah, Giorgio. You again. It appears the tendrils of fate have wrapped around us once more, haven’t they? Let’s hope this time isn’t as eventful as our last jaunt through Marrakech; I hear they’re just now finishing repairs on the Interior Minister’s boudoir. I’d apologize, but as you pointed out, they are the ones who left gunpowder out at the Ambassador’s Masquerade.
Your last letter asked me if I’ve heard of any news regarding the one they call The Four-Eyed Ocelot. I’d say you were above such things — envy has never been a good shade on you, old friend — but in this instance, I did some digging. Perhaps, just this once, you were right to be afraid.
His first name is Rodrigo. That’s all I have for certain so far. Everything else is whispers, innuendo. Some people told me he was of royal descent, others that he was born to a pair of contortionists from Lisbon. The one family name I did hear was “Blankenship,” but it’s almost certainly a cover.
I met a daguerreotypist in Tangier who told me that Rodrigo had taken the Albanian crown jewels from Vienna but returned them as they didn’t match his decor. A baron in Salamanca told me el ocelote had taken the rubies right off of his prized taboret, and the baron still asked him to marry his first daughter. This is a man of skill and conviction, they say. One not to be trifled with.
I heard one last thing, Giorgio. I’m almost too afraid to repeat it, for I fear what you might do. But the Four-Eyed Ocelot ... they say he’s taken a page out of your book and found cover as one who kicks. Is it an homage? A threat? A challenge? I won’t dare say.
Don’t do anything rash, Giorgio. I fear what the young man may do to you. They say he’s as ruthless as he is efficient from 51 yards. Stay safe, old friend.
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