ESPN's report on Condoleezza Rice-Browns confused everyone on the internet

The ESPN report that the Cleveland Browns are interested in interviewing former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice for their open head coaching position is the best kind of rumor: bonkers and completely out of left field.

Rice is one of the smartest, most educated women in the country, and was one of the first members of the College Football Playoff selection committee, but that plus her lifelong Browns fandom doesn’t exactly match up to the resumes we usually see from head coach candidates.

When the report broke on Twitter, some people thought they were being pranked — pranked by the universe, or by a fake Adam Schefter account.

The internet didn’t know what to do with the rumor that the Browns may be considering Condoleezza Rice to replace fired head coach Hue Jackson. (AP)

Triple-checked this one to make sure this isn't a fake Adam account.. Wow. It's legit. https://t.co/VXen8QCpul

— Bruce Feldman (@BruceFeldmanCFB) November 18, 2018

Do you write for The Onion now?

— Chris Wilson (@SwilsonMan) November 18, 2018

is there another condoleezza rice?

— a time to shrill (@theshrillest) November 18, 2018

At least two people were convinced that the news is a sign that we’re all living in an elaborate Matrix-style simulation.

this stimulation is in full glitch. shut it down. https://t.co/NzTBQYK4tD

— ＩＮＣＡＳＨＮＯＬＯＡＮＳ (@dotrose_) November 18, 2018

condi rice being considered for the head coach of the browns is one of those incredible word salad headlines that really solidifies that we live in a simulation that’s running out of ideas

— True Detective Pikachu (Ray Velcoro) (@andymoney69) November 18, 2018

At this point, it’s hard to prove them wrong.

After the initial shock and confusion wore off, everyone had jokes. And jokes and jokes and jokes.

Is Rumsfeld as defensive coordinator part of the package? https://t.co/8zFk2Hzjy8

— Rich Eisen (@richeisen) November 18, 2018

I see no issue with interviewing Condi Rice for the Browns job. But interviewing Nancy Pelosi for the Raiders job is where I would draw the line.

— Eric Adelson (@eric_adelson) November 18, 2018

Condi in Cleveland vs. John Kerry in Pittsburgh rivalry is gonna be lit. https://t.co/q8xcLq742v

— Matt Lanza (@mattlanza) November 18, 2018

via Elias, Condoleezza Rice could be the first head coach to destabilize the Middle East (Iraq, 2003) as well as the Mid West (Cleveland, 2019) in NFL history

— True Detective Pikachu (Ray Velcoro) (@andymoney69) November 18, 2018

There are women out there with great football minds, who HAVEN'T been party to war crimes, who can't even get interviewed for Sun Belt QC jobs. https://t.co/kzH461EeSJ

— Jake McIntyre (@jakemcintyre) November 18, 2018

If there's anyone who knows about leading men into two decades long unmitigated disasters… https://t.co/D0gGvIgr4h

— Sam (@simmonsclass) November 18, 2018

And sometimes you don’t need jokes, you just need to do an image search.

Browns interested in interviewing @CondoleezzaRice for head coaching position, according to @AdamSchefter. These photos, taken in 2004, are the only available shots of her form. (📷 by Jeffrey A. Salter) pic.twitter.com/RpEndv4d67

— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) November 18, 2018

Condoleezza Rice sat on the CFP selection committee, but now we have incontrovertible proof that she has touched a football. Hire her immediately!

Rice being considered for any head coaching job would be big news. But since the Browns are the team that’s reportedly interested in her, the internet nearly exploded.

I know she's a lifelong fan. So am I. So why not interview me? I played football. I have a pulse. https://t.co/AChQ7l8b3B

— Bill Shea (@Bill_Shea19) November 18, 2018

yea idk how qualified she is but condoleezza rice certainly looks like someone who has watched a lot of cleveland browns football pic.twitter.com/cwxFdjSsKC

— Tyler Conway (@jtylerconway) November 18, 2018

"we need someone familiar with bigger disasters than the Browns"

"say no more, fam" https://t.co/udHd3skA6U

— BUM CHILLUPS (@edsbs) November 18, 2018

When your franchise is so beyond repair you just try anything for the banter of it https://t.co/swcRBYR6Uq

— Pretty 𝕭𝖆𝖎𝖙 𝕸𝖆𝖈𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖊 (@theMeatLad) November 18, 2018

Look, I'm all for letting the punishment fit the crime, but if the punishment for the Cleveland Browns is having Condoleezza Rice as their head coach… pic.twitter.com/rJsO3mjspB

— Estee (@EsteeFIMFic) November 18, 2018

Condoleezza Rice couldn't be worse than Hue Jackson I guess.

— Baker (@Remember_Baker) November 18, 2018

The jury’s out on whether Rice would be worse than Hue Jackson. But if you’re looking for an option that would absolutely be worse than Rice, allow former baseball player Lenny Dykstra to make a suggestion: himself.

A good candidate besides #CondoleezzaRice 4 #ClevelandBrowns head coaching job might be me. After all, I was a pretty good if undersized safety during high school. (Yes, I was an extremely dirty player. Let's just say u did not want to be opposing player on bottom of pile w me.) https://t.co/bGnUCethnf

— Lenny Dykstra (@LennyDykstra) November 18, 2018

Don’t worry, Browns fans. Dykstra, who previously went to jail for bankruptcy fraud and money laundering, and who is currently under indictment for drug possession and making terroristic threats to an Uber driver, almost certainly won’t be the next head coach of the Cleveland Browns. It’s a small victory, but a victory nonetheless.

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Liz Roscher is a writer for Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email her at lizroscher@yahoo.com or follow her on Twitter at @lizroscher.

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