Clint Capela had the funniest role in the Rockets-Clippers locker room fiasco

I’ve read about 10 different things on the Rockets’ locker room heist at the Staples Center. It’s pretty much my favorite sports story of the year. It’s not often we get an Ocean’s Eleven-esque caper in sports, and when that includes Chris Paul, James Harden and Trevor Ariza traveling through a hidden passageway CP3 knew about, and into the Clippers’ locker room in order to confront Austin Rivers and Blake Griffin? Perfection.

But it’s not Chris Paul or James Harden or Blake Griffin or any huge NBA superstar I want to discuss when it comes to the locker room invasion. It’s Clint Capela. I’m obsessed with Clint Capela’s role in this story. Capela never got to travel through the hidden passage. He wasn’t there in the Clippers’ locker room. He never made it through the front door. A front door he banged on, waited and after not being let in he called it a night.

Adrian Wojnarowski of ESPN chronicled the weirdness, and his account of what Capela did can be viewed as the objective truth:

“Rockets center Clint Capela walked down the main corridor and banged on the front entrance to the Clippers’ locker room, league sources said. Soon, a Clippers staff member opened the door and looked up to see Capela, a formidable 6-foot-10 figure standing in the doorway.
She shut the door in Capela’s face. For a few moments, Capela stood there, unsure how to proceed. Before long, Capela walked back to the Rockets’ locker room, showered and headed for the bus with the rest of the Rockets.”

From here things splinter off in several theories I’ve been thinking about a lot this morning.

Theory A: The willing diversion

This seems to be the internet-accepted version of events. It essentially states that Capela’s role in the heist was critical, because his front door diversion created a necessary window for the other three Rockets to sneak through the back passageway and into the Clippers locker room. He was Casey Affleck’s “Balloon Boy” in Ocean’s Eleven.

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The problem I have with the theory is that Capela didn’t really create much of a ruckus, at least to the level you’d expect from a solid diversion. He basically banged on the door and then gave up.

Theory B: The unknowing diversion

Now THIS is what I can really get behind. Basically the idea here is that Chris Paul told Capela to go to the locker room and bang on the front door. Maybe there was a promise the rest of the team would be right behind him, perhaps Capela just did what was asked because he’s a good teammate.

The heart of this theory is that either way, Capela never knew he was being used as a diversion. Now, think about it for a sec: If you’re Chris Paul and you’re using knowledge of the Staples Center schematics to sneak around in a back passage you might know that route couple be noisy, or perhaps a security guard is posted nearby. So you ask your biggest player to cover your back by heading to the front.

In the moments following the game there’s little reason to believe the Rockets would all sit down and go over a Great Escape level plan. Paul would just delegate, as all good leaders do.

Theory C: Clint just didn’t get the memo

When tempers are flaring details can be sparse, and Theory C assumes that Capela just missed out on a conversation. Perhaps he heard only bits and pieces. Maybe “we’re going through the back door” was just heard as “we’re going to the door” and Capela took off, thinking he had a grasp on the plan.

This would explain why Woj says, “Capela stood there, unsure how to proceed.” It’s because he thought everyone would be at the front door with him, and then he realized he was alone and just left.

Theory D: The lone wolf

This supposes Capela had no clue about the Paul-led plan, but darn it he wanted to go to the Clippers and give him a piece of his mind. He marched up to the front door, wanted to speak to Rivers and Griffin, didn’t get let in and then left.

It doesn’t explain why he stood outside the door for a second — but the possibility is there.

I hope we never find out the truth.

There’s so little true mystery left in the world. In 2018 we’ll never go on a quest down some railroad tracks to find a dead body like Stand By Me. We’d live blog it inside a Japanese forest and destroy our YouTube reputation by acting like an idiot.

Clint Capela’s role in the Great Rockets Locker Room Caper will likely be unearthed, but I hope it isn’t. I don’t want to know whether he was willingly a distraction or just lost. Imagination is a beautiful thing, and I want Capela’s role to remain magic for all of us, whatever we want be believe.

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